During my elementary school teaching years, I worked with students that came from great families and unfortunately some that did not. I had students that heard more negative than positive comments in their lives…and much worse.
At times, my elementary age students would get grumpy and say something ugly (a Texas word for bad) to a classmate. I would tell them something along the lines of…you cannot think ugly thoughts and nice thoughts at the same time, so please think of something nice to say to them. With a look of disgust, their minds struggling, and eventually in a grumbling voice came, “I like your shirt.” or “You have nice shoes.” The shoe comment came if they were hanging their heads. At the beginning of the school year it was a struggle for them. And they were mainly commenting about outward appearance.
Teach and model the behavior you are looking for, model, and teach.
I also lovingly told my students that it did not matter what happened at home, but at school, this classroom was going to be our community. We would treat each other with respect. Then, I had to teach them the vocabulary to use and model what respecting each other looked like daily. Many children did not know the right words to use because they never heard them. When my students would get upset, instead of turning around and slugging or screaming at the other person they learned to say, “Please don’t do that it bothers me!” (Even if it was stated between gritted teeth and a flushed red face at first!) I told them it was okay to get angry, just not beat people up!
Hurting children will hurt…themselves or others. They need a safe and affirming place to feel loved. They need to hear about who they are, who they can be, and about every ounce of goodness that is on the INSIDE…not just about what is happening on the outside.
Teach and model the behavior you are looking for, model, and teach.
By the end of the school year, the students were saying “nice” things about the INSIDE qualities of others. “I like how you think.” “You are really good at math!” “I appreciate you helping me.”
It was music to my ears!
As previously stated, I worked with students that did not have a good home life. Nicole came to me in 2nd grade. (Her kindergarten and first-grade years were not in my district.)
Nicole explained her tragic home life to me after she became an adult.
“So, what happened, my mom had me when she was 14 and blamed me for my existence. She hated me. She beat and abused me from the time I can first begin remembering things. She would punch me, hurt me, push me, and then say that I fell down, or did something deserving of belt welts.”
“My kindergarten year was rough… I stole a bunch of stuff, held a kid’s head in the sand/rice box, got in a lot of trouble, went to the principal’s office and my teacher was really frustrated and mean to me. (I do remember being awful, so I can understand). 1st grade wasn’t much better. I wasn’t liked, I broke her stuff, was wild, etc.…”
“My mom abused me until she left us when I was 13.
When I miraculously got to college, I did 15-18 hours each semester. The first year in school I worked 3 jobs and volunteered in a church. During that year, she [Mom] told me what a disgrace I was, that I should quit school, move back in with her, and pay her bills. She told my siblings that the reason we were poor as kids, and the reason they still went hungry sometimes was because of me.”
Tragic story! And unfortunately, there is far too much of this going on in our communities everywhere. 🙁
This story though, has a happy ending.
You would never be able to look at this young lady today and know what all she endured. Nicole is more than a survivor; she is an overcomer! And guess what? She is also a TEACHER! I know she makes a difference in the lives of those around her. Nicole creates chain reactions of awesomeness everywhere she goes.
Do you have a turn-around story in your life? Please share with us in the comments below.
Lead joyfully,
Gail Boulton
p.s. To help you with those positive affirmations…grab this FREEBIE by clicking the picture or click here.
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