Art Linkletter was a radio and television host in the 1950s through the 1970s. One of his lasting legacies was the entertaining interviews with children that would appear on a 15-minute segment of his program entitled Kids Say the Darndest Things. (Not the “dandiest”.)
When I first became a teacher, I bought a journal to write down the cute and funny sayings that would come out of my student’s mouths. My intentions were good, but I’m sad to say that I fell short on the follow-through! I wrote a few stories down before the journal got lost amidst the clutter of a bottom drawer and the hustle-bustle of a first-year teacher. I think not having a record of all the funny things kids said over the years was probably one of my only regrets when it came to my educational career.
Kids DO say the darndest things!
Even though the journal was lost, I do remember a couple of the stories during my classroom teacher time!
I taught in a rural school setting. A large percentage of the student population had a low socioeconomic status. My sweet, sweet Momma made 24 pillows so my kids (they became “my kids” every year) could sit on them during a Japan unit I was teaching. After the unit, I kept them in various reading places so they could continue to use them. A student told me one day that he thought I was rich. (That in itself was hysterical as my first year of teaching I made less than $20K!) Anyway, of course, I asked him why he thought I was rich. He explained, “Because you’ve got a lot of couches at your house!” I finally figured out he thought the pillows came off my couches (I think he called them sofas), and if I had THAT many pillows…I must have LOTS of sofas!! Hence, I was rich.
I LOVE how children’s minds work. And you know what? I AM rich in many ways. 🙂
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It was “meet the teacher night” and I was so excited! I had my Texas classroom decorated with an ocean theme. Nameplates were on the desks with all kinds of ocean books on display, etc. A handsome young new 2nd grader came in and immediately started looking at the desks after I greeted him. I was talking to his Mom when I noticed he was still searching.
Me: Did you find your desk?
Student: Yes, ma’am (said with a slooooow, thick Texas drawl). I was just looking to see if I was sitting by any girls.
Me: Do you like girls?
Student: Oh, yes ma’am! I think they’re purdee (pretty). Me and my daddy like to look at their legs!
Oh, lawd. (That’s “Oh, Lord” in my Texas accent!) His Mom was instantly mortified and looked like she wanted to crawl in a hole. Then she addressed him using his first AND middle name (you know what I’m talking about) and he knew he was in trouble!
By the way…I fell in love with this whole family. (Dad is quite the jokester by the way!) I taught this young man and his younger sister. I still follow them on social media. These kids have kids of their own now! Yikes, I’m young. 🙂
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We were adding conversational Spanish lessons to our classroom schedule. A mom came to pick up her son from my classroom one afternoon. I wanted to let him show his Mom how smart he was after the Spanish lesson.
Me: Can you tell your Mom what you’re going to say in Spanish to her when you go to bed tonight?
Student: Buenos….buenos…uhhhh…oh yeah!!!…buenos nachos!!
Me: Oh, you mean buenas noches?????? (Goodnight)
The poor child was obviously hungry.
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When I became an elementary school principal, I loved being in the classrooms, in the halls, library, etc….wherever the students were. Children are so delightful! I encouraged my new teachers to record the funny happenings so they wouldn’t forget. (Okay, do as I say, not as I do!) It is easier to do that now with all the apps and social media outlets. In fact, since I’ve retired, I recorded a few that pop up on my “memories” on social media that I’d like to share with you.
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During the first week of school, I tried to keep a close eye on all the pre-k and kindergarten students as they transitioned from the home environment to the school setting. Upon dismissal one day I’m in the hall watching all the “kinders” walk behind their teacher on the way to the bus/car line. As they passed by, I asked one of the students, “Did you have a great day?”. The little lad didn’t miss a beat and said, “Yes, all but THIS!” as he points to his mouth opening it really wide. I’m thinking the child might have been a little on the talkative side and got in trouble with the teacher? No. no. no. He looks at me with those big, brown eyes and exclaims, “YEAH, IT STINKS IN THERE!”
Golly, where’s a toothbrush when you need one?!@#
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First grader: How old are you Mrs. Boulton?
Me: I’m ancient.
First grader: How old is that?
Me: I’m not sure. How old do you think?
First grader: 92!
I think I’ll go back to just being “old”.
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I had a delightful conversation with a first grader in his classroom while they were studying about George Washington Carver. Mr. Carver was an amazing man, but best known for his development of products from peanuts.
Me: Where do peanuts come from?
1st-grader: The ground?
Me: The ground? (Wanting him to expound on that answer.)
1st-grader: No…wait!! From…BUCKETS!!!!!
Hmmm…I think the lad has frequented Texas Roadhouse or maybe Logans a time or two! (Restaurants that serve peanuts in buckets of course. And people are known to then throw the shells on the floor.)
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I was commenting on what a pretty name (and thinking what an unusual spelling!) of one of our kindergarten students. I proceeded to spell her name out loud to which Kynedie exclaimed, “OH, NO!!… I think it used to have a U in it!! Mom must have taken it out!!” 🙂 She was horrified and I was trying hard not to laugh!
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The best part of my job as an elementary principal was visiting the classrooms. I loved watching and observing the kids. Turns out, the kids evidently were also observing me!
1st-grader: Boy! You sure work hard!
Me: What makes you say that?
1st-grader: ‘Cause you’re sweating! And you know what else? You were sweaty yesterday, too!
His powers of observation and deductive reasoning were amazing don’t you think? He’s going to make a great scientist or doctor someday. Maybe he’ll learn about hormones and hot flashes, too! HAHA!
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I was inquiring how a sweet little 3rd grader was feeling because he’d been out sick. He told me he’d been home with a sore throat and then stated, “My mom said if I keep getting sore throats I’m going to have to have my intestines taken out!”
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The last one…for now. This conversation was overhead and sent to me by Mrs. Bynum, one of my first-grade teachers: (Hint: “Color changes” were not what students wanted to get!)
Student 1– “So Mrs. Boulton is the boss of all the teachers?”
Student 2– “Yes but she’s not bossy. You can be a boss and not be bossy.”
Student 3– “Yeah she isn’t mean when she has to be the boss. I think she just helps the teachers make good choices.”
Student 1– “Yeah and sometimes bosses can get mad, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love us.”
Student 2– “Yeah that’s what Mrs. Bynum said to me too when I had to change my color yesterday…”
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Bahahaha! Yes, kids do say the dandiest…AND the darndest things!
Now, it’s YOUR turn. What funny thing have you heard a child say lately or that you remember? Please share in the comments. We need more laughter!
Lead joyfully,
Gail Boulton
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