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During my elementary school principal years, I had a master kindergarten teacher that was amazing. She was quiet, sweet, and totally adored by her co-workers, parents, and students. She also made teaching look oh so easy! I made the mistake one time of bragging about her in a staff meeting. She was sitting at the back of the room at a table with a few of her co-workers. Right after the words came out of my mouth, I realized how uncomfortable I made her feel. She did not like the limelight.
The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman and Paul White tells us that we have a primary appreciation language: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts, or Physical Touch.
Knowing my staff’s “love language” was a practice that I adopted when I was a principal. I had not read the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace yet; however, I had read the original 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman and realized how it naturally applied to the workplace. It just made sense to me.
Listening to your staff and observing their behavior may give you a clue to their primary appreciation language. Those that give gifts, usually love receiving them. Those that give words of encouragement usually appreciate words of affirmation. Be careful though, according to Chapman and White, this doesn’t always apply. From their research, about 75% of us exhibit the language that we desire. That means that 25% of your staff may exhibit one language but prefer another.
Words of Affirmation & Quality Time
It’s important to note that staff members whose primary language of appreciation is “Words of Affirmation” may not always like them to be public. I had another staff member request that she not go upfront to receive her service award at the end-of-year district awards ceremony. Thinking about it made her physically ill! I knew “Words of Affirmation” was her appreciation language, so initially I didn’t understand. Receiving a “public” award doesn’t speak love. However, if you send them a handwritten note or card, text, email or a message of encouragement, you’ve just spoken volumes to them that you care.
The primary appreciation language of my master kindergarten teacher I wrote about was “Quality Time”. After my bragging blunder, I made sure I dropped by her classroom to check on her when no one else was around. Those were some of the most enjoyable times for me. I learned a lot about this wonderful woman. Fast forward a few years…she was diagnosed with a rapid form of cancer. Again, she did not want to be the center of attention. I felt very humbled by the fact that she felt comfortable enough to seek out my office (with a couch) and lay down when needed. I’d lock the door, dim the lights, and spend a few precious moments with her before leaving her to rest. She fought valiantly but was unfortunately taken from us far too soon. I’m so grateful for the time spent with her. She left a legacy of love to adults and children that continues to spill into eternity.
Do you know the primary appreciation language of your staff members?
Take a look at the other three:
Acts of Service
Lead Joyfully,
Gail Boulton
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